Really miss her....

Today has been one of those days where I just wake up wishing I could call my mom. Then so many things just keep reminding me of her. These kind of days I feel sad, angry, hurt and frustrated. I know I am almost 29 years old but I still could use my mom. There are so many things I wish I could tell her or have her help me through. I would give anything just to have her here again. I wish the hurt in my heart would just go away!

Next month on Feb 28th marks my mom being gone for 3 years! It has been a hard 3 years in so many ways, so many regrets, learning things I never dreamed of happening, having my dad remarry (I'm happy for him don't get me wrong but it was hard for me) and then also try to figure out how to handy all these different emotions. You would think that it would get easier but it sure hasn't. I really wish it would. Or the million questions could be answered without all the hurt that may follow.

Carsyn even starts having a rough time as it gets closer to his birthday. His birthday will always be a joyous but sad day for us now. We will always remember this day when my baby boy turned 5 years old and we buried my mom all on the same day. This year is extremely hard for me. Carsyn turns 8 and will be baptized and we both wish she could be here for it. I had to hold back the tears the other day when he mentioned this to me. The more I think about it all, the harder it is to hold back the tears. He misses my mom just as much as I do. And that breaks my heart even more especially since I can't fix it.

I just wish I could be strong for my children but I am slowly losing pieces of strength day by day! Wish I could have just one more day with her so my children could say goodbye to her, or for her to hug me or even just to tell her I love her. Never take life for granted, you never know when you will lose someone you love! <3 p="">
I love and miss you mom more then you will ever know!

October 2012

 My beautiful Mother

 December 21, 2004

 May 2007