Hardest Day of my Life

So Thursday February 24th I got a few phones calls about my mom being really sick and back in the hospital again (she was just in the hospital in October for a week). Well by that afternoon I got a horrible feeling and started making arrangements to get up to Utah. When I called my older sister to talk to her I found out that mom had taken a turn for the worst and wasn't looking good. So I started packing bags and we were gonna leave first thing in the morning. After a long 10 hrs we were finally at the hospital. It was really hard seeing my mom hooked up to all the machines and on life support. I haven't seen her for over a year and this is how I get to see her. Not the way I was hoping. She did open her eyes and tell me she loved me and squeezed my hand. I am so glad I was able to have that at least. She had gotten a really bad case of pneumonia which is what put her in the hospital but her body was at the point were it just couldn't fight it anymore and the poisons were just traveling through her entire body. She was on so much medicines to control her blood pressure and her heart but it just didn't seem like it matter. After a EVERY long weekend of games played by the doctors with us. We finally decided as a family if she started to fail even more then she already was, we would just stop what we are doing make her comfortable and just leave it in the Lords hands. Sunday she seemed to be doing alright so we all left the hospital for a few hours to get some rest especially my dad. Then my dad and I were heading back up there after dinner when Trevor got a phone call saying we needed to hurry up, we had decisions to make. When my dad and I arrived she was not doing well. Her blood pressure was dropping and the new doctor didnt feel like we should put her on a 3rd blood pressure medicine since that was the only thing keeping her alive. :( So my dad just went ahead and told them to just do what they could to make her comfortable so she could go at peace. It was so hard knowing that when I went back to my dads place that night, there was a great chance that would be the last time I saw my mom alive. And my heart sank as my phone rang shortly after I just got Lily back to sleep around 420am Monday morning and it was my dad needing me to come pick him up because my mom had just passed away. That was the hardest moment in my life, to hear those words come from my dads mouth. We had just lost an amazing person but knowing that we will see her again has helped me be at peace with it all. My heart also melted when I saw my dad. To see him hurt makes me cry even as I write this. They were best friends. Their love for each other was unbelievable! They were and are great examples to us. My dad said that her heart just slowly started to stop through the night and she made him hold her hand and was squeezing his hand through the whole night and about an hour before she passed he said that she finally relaxed and went to sleep and that was when she slowly went back to heaven to be with her own father and mother.

We laid her to rest on March 4th 2011 this was a hard day also for my Little family because it was Carsyn's 5th Birthday and this will be a birthday none of us will forget. Carsyn loved his Nana so much and had a really hard time with it all. All the preparing we tried to do with him wasn't enough for how he felt the day we laid her to rest. It broke my heart seeing him cry the way he did. He was so sad that his Nana had past away and he couldn't hug her one more time. I wish I could have hugged her just one more time.

I kick myself a lot lately for not making more of an effort in getting us up to Utah to see her knowing how sick she was. And her not getting to meet Kyleigh Rose before she passed away. She wanted to hold her so bad. But there was always some kind of EXCUSE to keep us from seeing her. So NEVER take life for granted you never know when you may lose someone you love most. I miss you so much mom but glad you don't have to suffer anymore. I love you! RIP Mom!

Here is Mom Obituaries for all that would like to read it or have a copy of it.